The Gnu Song

A year ago last Thursday, I was strolling in the zoo
When I met a man who thought he knew the lot
He was laying down the law about the habits of baboons
And the number of quills a porcupine has got
So I asked him «What’s that creature there?» and he answered «It’s a helk»
I might have gone on thinking that was true
If the animal in question hadn’t put that chap to shame
And remarked: «I hain’t a helk! I’m a gnu!»

I’m a gnu – I’m a gnu
The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo
I’m a gnu – how do you do?
You really oughta g-know w-who’s w-who
I’m a gnu – spelt G N U
I’m g-not a camel or a kangaroo
So let me introduce, I’m g-neither man nor moose
Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no, I’m a gnu!

I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington-on-sea
Whence I travelled on to Aston-under-lyne
And the second night I stayed there I was wakened from a dream
Which I’ll tell you all about some other time
Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my head
Stuffed and mounted was a face I thought I knew
A bison? (No, it’s not a bison) An okapi? (I don’t think it’s an okapi)
Could it be a hearty beast?
Then I seemed to hear a voice – «I’m a gnu!»

I’m a gnu! – a-g-nother gnu
I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you
I’m a gnu – how do you do?
You really oughta g-know w-who’s w-who
I’m a gnu – spelt G N U
Call me bison or okapi and I’ll sue
G-nor am I in the least like that dreadful hearty beast
Oh, G-no, g-no, g-no, I’m a gnu
G-no, g-no, g-no, I’m a gnu

G-no, g-no, g-no, I’m a gnu

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